A Toad's Thoughts
by Gremblin
Summary: Everyone has a secret. Some people are just better at keeping them. Something of a Harry Potter crossover.


Title: A Toad's Thoughts

Author: Vonnix

Universe: X-Men the Movie (number one)

Character/s: Mortimer Toynbee/Toad

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Marvel and all those other people that do own it won't get anything out of me. I'm making no money off this.

Summary: Everyone has a secret. Some people are just better at keeping them. Something of a Harry Potter crossover.

Notes: An idea I got from listening to Great Big Sea's 'Berry Picking Time' of all things. It isn't a story per se, as my sister said it's more just me rambling to get this idea out of my head. I thought maybe some of you might like to read it. Who knows? Maybe some day in the future I'll get another idea for a sequel of sorts and turn it into a series.

...:::x-tm:::...

Underneath Mortimer's pillow is where he keeps his wand.

To everyone he knows he tells them he keeps a gun there, or a knife depending on who it is he's talking to .

(some people respond better to the threat of a knife in Mortimer's hands than a gun, Mystique for instance)

No one would believe him if he said that he could kill them with just six syllables and a wave of a wooden stick. Everyone would just laugh at him and tell him to keep dreaming, he couldn't even dream of keeping up with them in hand-to-hand combat let alone get close enough to kill them.

He doesn't keep it on him when he's out on a job, oh no. It's too dangerous because then he would want to use it, get things done faster and easier than even Magneto could imagine possible. The American and British ministries would have a field day finally getting their hands on him, force the twenty years in Azkaban on him that he escaped from during his trial thanks to a well-timed attack by You-Know-Who on the Auror's holding him.

(the newspapers had later said that it was an attack by the Mutant Wizards United group, but Mortimer knew better. He had seen the skull masks and black cloaks and no one in the MWU would ever dress like that)

Owing the Dark Lord a favour isn't something that Mortimer is particularly happy about but it's kept him out of the Dementor's hands. He's not going to go looking gift horses in the mouth. One day He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will look Mortimer up, he knows, and call in that favour but until he does Mortimer's going to have fun and live his life doing what he loves.

(if what he loves is killing people under the orders of another tyrannical madman who's Mortimer to complain? He's getting rid of a few more flatline muggles)

Every once in awhile during long stretches between jobs Mortimer can't help but wonder if any of the goody-two-shoes X-Men were wizards. He can't be sure and assume anything because none of them would have been to Hogwarts, they would have went to one of the American schools. He's got suspicions about that blue furball, Beast, because on more than one occasion Mortimer's been sure he'd broken one of Cyclops' legs in multiple places and the guy still hasn't gotten a limp from it. If that's not Skele-Grow at work Mortimer's willing to eat Sabertooth's gym socks. At the very least the guy has to be a squib.

Squibs were the only people that Mortimer was ever on friendly terms with growing up. There were two Squibs from pureblood wizarding families in the orphanage that he was raised in. He lost touch with them when he started working for Magneto full-time but they're still counted amongst his few fond memories.

(none of the other students in Hogwarts were willing to associate with a poor boy who had naturally green skin. Sometimes Mortimer thinks it had been a mistake to correct them in their thoughts that he had run afoul of one of his nonexistant parent's potions. The fact that he had been sorted into Slytherin didn't help his social standing at all)

Everyone that has the backbone to ask Mortimer or even Magneto is told that the master of magnetism found Mortimer as an eleven year old boy just days after his birthday wandering the streets of London and took the younger mutant in, raising him into the lethal murderer that's now on the FBI's top twenty most wanted mutants list. What they're not told is that the way they met was through a botched attempt at Mortimer pickpocketing Magneto's wallet, needing money for supplies.

(Magneto took an immediate interest in Mortimer and had passed the boy three hundred dollars along with an address and telephone number to contact when he got out of school for the summer holidays)

No one in the Brotherhood knows what Mortimer is, not even Magneto. Whenever the man would ask about his schooling during the two months that Mortimer spent training with him (and Mystique and Sabertooth when they joined) in hand to hand combat and various weapons Mortimer would make up stories about horrible human classmates that hated him and teachers that only paid attention to him when he was doing something wrong. Magneto would nod, then gently correct something in whatever Mortimer had been doing at the time.

The only time Mortimer ever dares carry his wand with him is on the particularly dangerous missions. The liberty island mission had his wand hidden up his sleeve and he was lucky he had the foresight to stash it there. If it hadn't been for a fast bubblehead charm Mortimer was positive that he would have been lost to the world of the living within ten minutes of Storm blasting him off the Statue's balcony.

(the next week had been one of the hardest of his adult life, with two ministries only a breath away the entire time)

It had been a desperate move and not one of his better ideas but Mortimer wasn't going to complain about still being alive to show the X-men how real mutants acted. They all thought they were better than everyone, preaching peace but then trying to force their ideals onto the Brotherhood. It made Mortimer want to sneak into their mansion and plant a few surprises for them to find. They'd probably adore most of Zonko's products, and he'd heard nothing but good things aboutWeasley's Wizard Wheezes merchandise.

The only problem with doing that is sneaking into Diagon Alley, getting the stuff, then getting back out without being caught. It's possibly one of the only reasons why Xavier hasn't found the sweets in his desk replaced by their more malicious magical brethren. Mortimer likes being free and doesn't intend to get caught anytime soon, not until the Dark Lord comes back out of hiding.

(Whatever the newspapers say about You-Know-Who's death is ignored by Mortimer. Half the stuff put in them is lies and the rest is trash that's none of anyone's business anyway. Mortimer made up his mind long ago not to believe in anyone's death unless he's faced with a body)

Until the Dark Lord reappears Mortimer's not going to risk being sent to Azkaban. With the Dementor's running the place under the thumb of the British ministry Mortimer knows there's little to no chance of him surviving and keeping his sanity intact. Magneto wouldn't know where to start looking for it and no one in the wizarding world would want to risk trying to break him out, no one would be willing to give the old man some helpful information in how to break one of the Brotherhood's most loyal members out of jail.

So Mortimer keeps his head down. He doesn't like it that he's being forced to cut himself off from his birthright but it's an unfortunate necessity to his continued freedom. He only just barely survived his last brush with the American and British ministry. The thought of having to start running again from the one family that's stuck by him his whole life no matter what he did isn't a pleasant one so Mortimer's made up his mind to put it off for as long as possible.

...:::x-tm:::...

-fin-


End file.
